Julia’s never clicked with her co-workers. Once, she hid out in the bathroom to avoid a “team-building” exercise. Shooting shoulder pain makes her want to hide under the covers. She’s so exhausted at night, she plops in front of the TV to relax.
Gary’s the opposite. He loves being the center of attention — a joke-cracking wiseguy.
Yet he feels some friends and family outright avoid him.
His wife claims he’s become a political hothead and spends too much time ranting on Facebook. Gary asks: who can blame a guy for caring? Yet even joking with co-workers, he can’t shake the feeling of being alone.
Julia and Gary — both patients of mine — live on two ends of loneliness island.
Loneliness is both dependent on the number of friends you have and the quality of your connections to the people around you — and lacking either can severely impact a person’s health.
Chronic loneliness is as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, heavy alcohol use or obesity, as reported by a 2010 study in PLOS Medicine.
It increases the risk of heart attacks, strokes and premature death. Social isolation can kill you. But, how?
In 1978, a rabbit revealed the answer.
That year, researchers ran a simple experiment with rabbits to show the link between high cholesterol and heart health. The results surprised everyone.
While the genetically similar rabbits all ate the same high-fat diet, one group appeared protected from a heart attack or stroke.
Dr. Robert Nerem, the lead scientist on the study, recalled wondering, What explained the difference?
It remained a mystery until the team noticed that one of the lab researchers wasn’t just feeding the rabbits.
She was petting and talking to them. Dr. Nerem explained, “She couldn’t help it. It’s just how she was.”
They repeated the experiment and got the same shocking results. The difference was kindness and company.
Four decades later, ample scientific studies show that kindness and connection are critical to health and cellular aging.
Love and TLC alter gene expression through microscopic epigenetic changes. Telomeres — the DNA “caps” that help determine how long we live — extend or shorten in response to stress and our connections to others, as first reported in the 2004 Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
Positive relationships lower stress, cortisol, inflammation, pain and blood pressure.
They boost immune functioning, mood and recovery after injury. Supportive relationships can also help people with serious disease and cancer live longer.
So how do we combat loneliness, bond more with others and improve our health?
“The Rabbit Effect” shows that connection is around us every day: our homes, workplaces, schools, neighborhoods and broader social community — if we just take the time to connect.
The goal is to improve the quantity and quality of our relationships. Here are three ideas:
- Say “hi” — New Yorkers have ample opportunity to engage respectfully with others. Chat with the person in the elevator or the cashier at the deli. Make eye contact and say a friendly “good morning.” (I practiced this recently and a burly delivery fellow broke into a huge grin.)Try out online services Tea with Strangers or Action for Happiness’ Happy Café Network. Every bit of positive connection counts.
- Pitch in — Look for ways to help others. Hand a homeless person food, volunteer with your church group or offer your daughter’s soccer team an assist. Volunteering helps others and boosts the health of the volunteer. Take ownership of your block and organize neighbors to plant flowers or a vegetable garden. Bring friends and family along. A 2018 study showed sprucing up vacant lots makes urban residents feel safer, healthier and reduces gun violence. Do what you can to make things better for everyone.
- Build your skills — Find something you want to learn and show up. Take a class to advance your career, expand your mind or improve your basketball or knitting skills. Talk to the teacher and other students. (I met one of my most beloved mentors 20 years ago at a free seminar.) Learning protects health and helps us live with purpose.
“The Rabbit Effect” shows connection to others is the hidden factor to health. So hop to it!
Kelli Harding, MD, MPH is the author of “The Rabbit Effect: Live Longer, Happier, and Healthier with the Groundbreaking Science of Kindness” (Atria), out Tuesday. Harding will be speaking at the Strand Book Store downtown on Thursday, Sept. 5, at 7 p.m.